I was five years old when I unearthed the first of many conspiracies being perpetrated upon me. One could also say that it was my first conscious awareness of cognitive dissonance within the belief system that was being fed to my young and gullible mind.
Science Bless my ‘rents, for they had nurtured and encouraged my natural curiosity about the way the world operated, and had begun to provide me with the rudimentary tools of western rational thought. Ironically it was these very tools that led me to the inescapable conclusion that Santa Claus was bullshit.
Maybe I should have been angered or hurt by the revelation that I’d been willfully deceived by those in whom I’d placed unconditional faith and trust, but I wasn’t, or if I was I was too wrapped up in the sweet triumphant taste of having single-handedly, rationally and logically deduced the fraudulent nature of this mythical Claus d00d who had previously seemed to defy natural law by figuratively and literally flying in the face of all things rational and reasonable.
There was a catch, of course. Taking Kris Kringle out of the equation collapsed the cloud of magical possibility into a finite set defined by the ways, means and will of the parental units.
Ah, but there was another catch, and this one was the best of all: If I kept my mouth shut and played along, I would continue to receive: not from a magical bounty, but with the most abundant generosity that my parents budget would allow. Since “Santa” had delivered pretty well in the past, I wouldn’t suffer any future losses so long as I didn’t “spoil the magic” for my siblings.
This was my initiation into the Great and Benevolent Santa Claus Conspiracy, and, until today, I have never revealed these secrets to any True Believers.
It sucks to find out that magicians are just con artists until you become a magician, promise to keep your mouth shut, and become skillful and consistent at performing professionally for fame, fortune, awe, and respect.
Modern illusionists don’t need the absolute faith of the innocent child to perpetuate the power of their “magic.” They just need to be crafty, adept, and deceptive enough to impress and confound the observer with a WTF moment.
How does he DO that?
Leave ‘em guessin’ and they’ll keep coming back for more.
There are only three requirements for the perpetuation of magic’s myth and marketability.
- Integrity/accountability. A sleight of hand artist that can leave Joe the Plumber slack-jawed as he “magically” pulls Joe’s wristwatch out of his own breast pocket HAS TO GIVE THE WATCH BACK before the performance is over. If the entire audience realized that they too had been “magically” relieved of their watches rings, blackberries, and the “magician” shrugged his shoulders and merely said, “Don’t look at me,” I doubt he’d sell too many tickets once the word got around.
- Novelty. The act must be presented as something new and different. Rad the label: Magic fades with repeated watchings.
- “Honor amongst thieves.” Don’t let Penn and Teller fool you. They’re expository performances are no more of a threat to the Blaines and Copperfields (and thereby the industry as a whole) than the “revelation” that “some porn stars have fake tits” is to the porn industry at large.
As long as the above requirements are met, the masses will entertain the myth of magic to a level that perpetuates the game. We know it ain’t real, but like Santa Claus, it’s benign enough, and nobody’s being fleeced beyond the price they agreed to pay. We willfully submit ourselves to the deception so long as it doesn’t hurt us.
If, on the other hand, bands of sleight of hand artists, illusionists and smooth talking magic men swept into our cities and towns and performed their act, and we fed them well and put them up and turned our heads when they kissed our daughters at the door, and we awoke to find that everything we had was gone…
Ladies and gentleman, seekers of divine Alumination, phants, phreaks and pharts alike, the time has come to open your hearts and your minds, your eyes and, of course, your wallets.
What do yo see before you?
A Federal Reserve Note, backed solely by the “good faith and credit of the United States of America.”
This final benevolent conspiracy is just a little different from the last two, because there’s no real choice regarding participation.
We’re all in, all of us, for the duration.
Let us Play:
Dear conspiratorial Universe, grant me the ability to make/believe, to conjure the Power to Love, to metamorph the metaphor and mutate the vision to the Outer Limits of Reality Television, and to inspire my fellow sisbrahtheren to invoke the inner imagination that reveals the substance behind the Question we Dare Not Ask:
If the Money Magicians fail to deliver, if they fail to act in good faith, if they are three card monte swindlers and pick-pocketing scammers rather than generous loving benevolent parents or an upstanding legitimate performers, when we close your eyes and open them again, what will remain, and what will have disappeared?
Please ponder the unponderable as the plate is passed, keeping in mind that here in my house your money’s no good, and I only accept voluntary donations of Aluminated Love.
Any denomination is fine. Even if you only have a few sense left to your name, now is the time to give.
Peas bewitch you.
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